dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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