I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You can't motorboat a personality
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
