I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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