when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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