she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
