my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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