Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
