He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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