Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
