Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
