I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
