ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
