I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
