I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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