Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
