I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
