8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I believe in your delicious
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
