Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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