Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
