were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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