I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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