Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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