Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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