Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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