You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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