you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
