I wannas sexs uuuuu
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
