if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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