before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
