would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
