I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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