why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
