____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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