whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
