Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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