I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
