If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
