the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
