i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
