There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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