So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just made my gag reflex go away.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
