oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
