When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
