I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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