I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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