So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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