Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
