connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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