I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
