I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
