i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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