Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
