why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
