She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
