can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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