my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
