You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
