You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
