I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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