I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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