I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
