in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
