Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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