There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
